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Diary: Buried Alive

Author: Alexander Aldarow    (all articles by this author)

Sunday, May 27, 2001

{As posted on the Open Forum}

I was buried alive

If anyone remembers, I'm going through a series of exercises, according to Paolo Coehlo's book I keep mentioning. If you can also recall, the "Seed Exercise" of re-birth I did, was in the woods we have after the park with the small zoo.

Yesterday, around 10 PM, I went there to perform the "Buried Alive" exercise. It was pitch black, when I stepped on the path that lead between the river and the woods. I was walking fast, with sounds of the night not quite comforting me. The frogs were deafening; some beasts, I guess, moved in the tall grass. I could barely see my road, although I knew the destination by heart by now.

The place, all in all, appeared a bit frightening. There could be snakes, there could be some weirdos prowling there - but that was just the right scenery for the exercise. A thought appeared, that I should do the exercise closer to the civilization - but that was exactly the fear I had to defeat by entering into it. I've reached my "shrine" - a special, secluded place I've chosen a month ago. I lied on the ground, aware of the dark night and the hostile nature around me, and crossed the arms on my chest. I was about to be buried alive.

I've imagined being in a hospital, when a white sheet covers my face, and I'm proclaimed dead by the doctors. I try a silent scream, "I'm still alive!!!", with no avail. My mother was crying. Then I was at the cemetery, a procession similar to the funeral of my grandmother was about to start. I've imagined my family, a couple of close friends (Rinor and Soulight), all distressed. I was rolled out and the procession, along with a rabbi and cemetery workers, was moving toward my grave.

I was tensing my muscles, trying to break free, but I was slipped into the grave, sand and stones are placed above me, burying me. I was trapped underground, with maggots and worms! Buried alive, with no one to hear my pleads!

And finally, with a real scream, I flung my arms before me, throwing the stones away and sitting up, as if awakening from a nightmare.

I'm alive!

I looked at the nature and the night around me. It was lit and had a sense of familiarity. The fear was gone. The fear of darkness, of dangers, of death. That was the purpose of the exercise. I felt alive, and free, and fearless. I stood up, and uttered even a louder scream, hearing an echo of my voice, for? the first time.

I'm alive, for ever and ever more.

P.S. It was similar to the cargo ship experience.

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