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Diary: Day Three


Author: Alexander Aldarow    (all articles by this author)

Tuesday, April 24, 2001

Today I went toward the park through the Jonah hill - all the roads lead to Rome, right? Well, later on I've learnt that it is not true.

Something important I forgot to mention at the Day One entry. While walking along the river back home on Sunday, I saw a certain kind of beetles crawling on the ground. In my childhood, they were called the soldier beetles - and I haven't seen them since the childhood. Later today, at the staffs place, I saw another kind of beetles that reminded me of my childhood's summers. The whole experience has really reconnected me to the forgotten parts of my early youth. However, that was not all. Each time I walk the park and the forest, I discover new things - and this one was of some shock to me. There are trees growing amidst park's lawn, and, as I approached one that looked kind of pink, I saw that its fruit was a certain kind of berries? the same sort that was growing near the my mother's and grandmother's place of work, back in Rezina, the town of my childhood!!! I remember how I used to collect them, dark-red, juicy and incredibly delicious!!! Another encounter with the childhood. I think in Russian this sort of a tree is known as a silk tree. I took a few of them, they were dry and mostly tasteless - maybe they still need time to ripen.

Something else worth of mentioning - already at the beginning of the park I've noticed ducks on the water, they flee almost each time they see me - or other people, for that matter - which meant that there were no people in the park. Hurray!

By the zoo now, I ran toward the river and picked three stems of a weed. I fed two to an antelope, but wasn't able to touch its horns. Then, I saw a guy with a little girl approaching the fence - and the zebras actually ran toward him! I thought them always being the more cautious ones, yet they seemed to recognize him and were very close to the fence, provide a unique opportunity to pet them. I joined the guy, seeing how he feeds them with pieces of dry bread, laying them beneath the railing, and the "striped horses" were picking it up by tilting their head and stretching their lips. I fed the third stem to one of them - an exotic animal was within inches away from me. I had a chance to touch its head and an ear, it didn't quite approve it, though - but what a cute punk-like crest it had! The guy laid a piece of bread for "my" zebra as well, but another one got greedy, they pushed each other heads, with mine losing, the other zebra, however, didn't quite succeed taking the bread, it shoved it beneath the railing toward me by accident, I took it, went a few steps to the left, and "my" zebra was successful in getting it.

Before the bridge I've approach a pipe lying in the ground, many snails hibernating in it. I wanted to take out the biggest of them, when a spider jumped out. It was their protectors. Everybody has protectors, guardians, and I'm somebody's protector as well.

The bridge. Could see only a single turtle beneath.

On the weeds by street lamp number 48 (that's what was painted on it), the one where I leave my staff, a reminder I left yesterday was hanging, a tied stem, telling me to get a new staff.

I'm paying attention to the road, to the path. I did, however, let my thoughts wander into the negative thinking, but then I told myself, "Stop, dude, don't concentrate on the inner this time, open your head and see the outer".

Tadpoles in the puddles! Gives me a chance to observe their growth, through the time.

The question was in my head - should I take a new staff first, or make a stop for the exercise in my shrine? Understand that I wasn't stressed by time at all - but I did feel some unexplained urge that the exercise should be made at 6 PM, and it was nearing that hour, according to my phone's watch. I thought to let the path - or the legs to decide. I've reached my temple and stopped. Maybe I need a staff after all, as a ceremonial tool - but, maybe, I shouldn't make it all so ceremonial. The Nature is not ceremonial; on the whole, Nature doesn't function like the world I came from. I saw a broken, charred stick on the ground, that resembled a bladed knife/athame. All right, The Nature provides me with a temporary tool. I've raised it into the air, like in a pagan rite, and entered my shrine.

There is something else I forgot to mention. As I was leaving the park, I saw absolutely nobody - and, of course, the forest was always empty of people, thank God. It was as if the park was built for me - and the Nature was out of limit for humans. There was also a spot on the path where I just stopped to listen to the most incredible, serene silence.

Well, I'm in my shrine now, kneeling. Yesterday's test has repeated, as I thought that a car is passing right behind me and stopped, looking behind me - but there wasn't such. I've awaited for my fingers to move, and, eventually, forced them to start. Again, it wasn't quite feeling like the first time. I was more conscious, and, in the middle of it, I stopped again. I forced myself to finish it, to grow until the sun, the stretch and the scream.

OK, what's wrong now?

I understood something. Yesterday, I've learnt appreciating the way, the path. Today, it was time for another lesson. I had to reach and understand it. Therefore, I didn't feel too bad, but was heading toward the temple's "exit", ready to reach a conclusion, to learn the lesson. The Nature reassured me that I'm correct, that I'm going through lessons, by opening a small path in the grass, leading back to the main path.

So, is something wrong in my thinking? I understood, now and later, that Nature is different, it has a different set of rules, different approach. My wisdom is about what happens between people, or even between a man and God. But it was as if there's Universe - and then there is Nature, a separate type of consciousness. For example, I couldn't apply visualization on it - the view was beautiful as is, there was no need imagining anything, like in the civil world.

But that wasn't the specific lesson of today.

I've noticed that at this part of the path, there were much more signs of the recent fire on the left. Also, more or less across the temple's place, there was a huge concrete block, a broken remnant of some structure, concealed among lean trees, under which the ground was smooth and leading toward the river. As I said, there is a multitude of half-hidden spots on my was, all one has to do is to look - and let the Nature show.

I made my way toward the water, at some point my foot was briefly caught in an entangled brunch, and the word "trap" occurred to me. I made it to the water (did I mention that I frequently spotted ducks?) - the shore was slippery, though, and I couldn't quite reach the edge of the water.

Earlier or now, I heard a bird singing like yesterday, hinting that I'm on the right way by understanding that I learn a lesson.

I constantly cut my story-telling, because I keep recalling various episodes. On a couple of occasions - and I think this was one of them - I threw small clumps of dry soil into the water, watching how, at first, bubbles of air were floating out of the clumps - I could see them under water - and then clumps would fall apart, disintegrate, both because of the water was softening them and the air was pushing out of them. Clumps represented the body which, as Universe - water - penetrated it, let the soul - air - out. Wouldn't happen to an air, if it was caught in a stone. I believe this small exercise and observation to be very symbolic.

I've decided to walk along the water and then cut back to the main path. There was the constant feeling all the time, that I must get a new staff. So, I began walking along the narrow shore. After all, a logical thought occurred to me, yesterday I thought of each person's having his own way to the Truth - but, also, each person has a multitude of ways, each, possibly, leading to?

Dead end. The shore ended, and there was no way toward the path of the main course through the vegetation. I had to return - not a long walk back, of course, but it cut my logical "theory".

I bent my knees to observe the water near the dead end. How calm it looked, how non-needy this small environment seemed, one can die and rest here for eternity, not worried by a thing, lying under the shallow water, watching the small bubbles and a plant or two. Sure, one had to make some way to reach here, one of many ways that were at his expense - but nothing further from here. It could have been me reaching the dead end. I looked closer to see what seemed to be a large black dead beetle on the surface of the water - hey, that's me, I guess, dead at the dead end. I pushed it with a stick, and it wasn't a beetle, I think it was a bud of that flower that's called Venus's trap! There were several of them, growing from the button, the bud resting on the water's surface - but here's that word again, trap!

I made my way back, thinking it all over. Trap. There are many ways for the individual, yet there is the dead end. How am I to find the right way?? No, that's not the lesson. The lesson is about traps, but I felt it wasn't all there is, the lesson isn't complete, there must be a fuller, more distinct conclusion. There also was the urge to go to staffs place - and not just because I had to pick a new staff. The answer will be completed there.

The staffs storage place is actually not very far from the shrine. I've entered it, walking through the tall grass, not seeing the back of the supermarket, but a watchtower and a fence crowned with a barbed wire of some (military?) complex. I took the leftmost cane, cleaning it, and walked back. Again, like yesterday, the exit was harder than the entrance - since I couldn't find one. What was with this "storage place", why was it so troublemaking? It has the staffs for me, certainly, for that I should be?

Thankful.

Lesson complete.

Being thankful. Thankful for the Nature to letting me in, for the Universe to constantly providing me with things I ask even only subconsciously, to my mother for giving me birth; to the sky, the sun, the bird, the trees, the river; to my friends; to staffs storage spot - seems like there was another purpose for it, though. It was the place where the lesson was finalized.

And lessons should be implemented in life, otherwise, like Coehlo's books says, there is no use for such spiritual way.

Well, start now - a thought urged me. And I thanked the storage place for the staff.

That was it. That was the harmony - realizing that there is the consciousness, the soul, the "person" on the other end of my dialogue with Nature or with Universe, and I should be thankful to it, silently, telepathically. I should show that I appreciate its contribution to my development and growth.

Two-way traffic. It always gives - and I'm thankful.

Yesterday I've learnt paying attention to the Path. Today I understood about being thankful for what I has and what I'm given?

?And, as I understand at the moment of writing these words, for what I will be given in the future.

Didn't see any turtles under the bridge on my way back.

By the way, I've dreamt of this river last night, an emotionally immense dream it was.

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