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The Ceremony

Author: Gabrielle Thao    (all articles by this author)
Published on: October 27, 2000

My awaiting anticipation exploded into rising flames of passion as I hesitated the beginning of a ceremony that has transcended my life's testimony into a new revelation of mystery. It all began with a great knowing, a longing for freedom, and a couple of "old" friends whose presence and advice was just more than a feeling of trust, serenity, and security. Much knowledge clouded in absolute mystery, my mind's comprehension was expanded beyond the meaning and definitions of words and science, stretched in a black shroud of mysticality.

Wandering about on the different planes of existence, the realms of the real and unreal, my mind traveled in its long search to regain its forgotten truth, a knowing, a deeper heartbeat that came from the abyssal chained cage which held the knowledge in a great attempt of torture and misery. An indescribable feeling in which my soul surrendered to, whispered into my mind's ear, leading, forging a path into the subconsciousness of limbo and eternity on a small, thin chain of silken thread made of silver spider silk; flexible, smooth, soft, stretchable, yet still breakable at even the slightest whim. A knowing, a feeling of deja vu, a reminiscence of my inner soul calling, pleading from an untouchable depth deep within. This knowing was a distress call that wreaked havoc on my mind's emotions, sending it haywire, lost and confused until it can be reached. This knowing led my mind into the mysteries of the unknown on an unstoppable search for one thing, the TRUTH.

Freedom also led me on a string of despair. Craving for freedom; for my own being, an innocence that I was denied at birth, I sought it out with RELIGION. GOD, great and powerful, yet weak through endless love, stood ignorantly at the base of his golden throne while I SUFFERED. Suffered, tortured, and rigged of all life, of the very essence of my soul, he stared, keeping me bounded in bondage; a destiny, a fate that I cannot escape. Wanting freedom I struggle, struggled and prayed to all and none in last attempts of what little chance of victory that I might have. FREEDOM MOCKED ME, drove my mind insane as I constantly searched blindly in the dark. My quest of freedom; freedom from bondage, from religion, from life; which led me to an absolution that was never intended, an absolution of torment and pain in which I've never felt before forced me into this state of confusion that I am in now.

Memories flooded my mind as faces became more and more apparent and recognizable. Old friends popped up from the past, present, future, and beyond any mortals comprehension of the limitless universe, came to me in desperate attempts in giving useful advice; pushed and squeezed my mind into a crazy, blood-hungry driven animal that preyed upon the weak in the shadows of the night. "You must be strong." They told me, "You must NEVER give up hope, never give up faith." So far I haven't. My fragile soul, so gullible to all that it is exposed to believes in a higher truth. A dragon of blue and white, beautiful yet fierce in his protectiveness, a guardian and a friend of the past hundreds of millenniums kept me alive. Millions of around the world supported my cause, pressured me into this because I was one of the last ones. Even so, what risks do I lose or gain if I listened to the advice of the "old"? Gray hair matters but little to this "old" soul who has the power, knowledge, and gift herself; yet, such a cause is and maybe worth the reaping rewards of listening to them. Friends are forever. My interest of the MYSTERIES was developed by none other than my own guide.

So here I am on the brink of insanity, of will powerlessness, of the truth; the ceremony has begun. I raised the head high above my own and bellowed in a voice that shook the earth. "To the rights, wills, and loves of all. To Freedom and peace. For a cause worthy of me and all others; the heavens and the earth may soon come to realize that I AM the one... for all that is, all that will be, and all that was; accept this sacrifice as a gift for the many labors that you and I have endured. Accept this as a token of my truthfulness, of my honor, my bestowed gifts, and of all that was given up!" The heavens roared and lightning struck in a electric display of infernal rage. I slammed the head down into the cement, wet and bloody marked by the blood of the sacrificed, marked in a pagan pentagram. The head shattered into a million pieces, and in that instant, it was gone. Nothing more but ashes and dust, nothing more than an image of the past, an image that will soon be forgotten. With this destroyed, I regained my freedom, I LIVED again. Deeper knowing from my soul vanished, unbounded and freed from chains, advice from wise ones listened to; I have defeated EVIL. I really am what my destiny says; I am not the messiah, nor the messenger, but just a CHOSEN ONE.

Gabrielle Thao

Originally published in Project X Newsletter #47

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