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Return to the Past: the Playground

Author: Rinor Zidran    (all articles by this author)
Published on: August 26, 1999

A few days ago I came to visit Aldarow, only to find out he wasn't home.

Aldarow lives in the same area I used to live in my childhood, so I took the advantage of him not being home and began my journey, the return to the past.

This return is not new for me, because I can come always to the place I used to live in the past. I do so, I stand in front of the four floor building, looking at the 4th floor which used to be mine, looking at the window that used to be the window of my room and also looking at the sign on the window in the living room saying "For Sale".

I always do it, so it is not new to me, but the feeling changes every time... everyday that passes is a day that passes, but when I look at the building I used to live in, walk in the parking lot and the area around, that day becomes a special one, that day is a day from 1985, 1986, it's the past again, and it's great, I smile, I hurt a bit in heart, I feel happy, glad to return, watching the people who live there now, trying to find maybe a couple of people that after 12 or 13 years are still there? I never do.

But that day I did something else as well, this house I see all the time, but there was another thing to do, it wasn't in my plans, it just happened...

I kept walking, surrounding the area and kept going, the area I once lived in and had friends, some are still there, some are not... but when I look at the last time at the sign on the window before I leave I can't help but wonder, what if I'll buy this house, return it to present, only I forget that I don't really know what that is that I want at this moment, not yet.

I kept walking, seeing the faces that are the present of that place now, walking and thinking, and smiling and thinking... and there it happened, the thing that wasn't planed, I reached the playground of the area, the same playground that I used to play and have my little fun as a child, a little kid; again, this wasn't new to me, I walk there with Aldarow always, but this time at 1 P.M. the playground was empty, so the thing happened, the thing in me that pushed me to sit in the playground... I chose a sit and sat there, under the tree, near the grass and the playground and just closed my eyes, held the Jasper at my hand (Jasper is a red-brown stone, it connects the soul to earth), and just listened to the past again, to the 80?s once again, nothing bothered me now, I didn't care about the people or teenagers that walked there and saw me, I smiled and was at the past, at the place I used to play as a child, at the place where I used to meet my friends and then go to grandma's? house for a drink and maybe supper as well, it was the past!

After half and hour to forty minutes I left, a smile on my face, a laugh in my heart and the past in my eyes, my past...

Originally published in Project X Newsletter #21

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