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 7/6/99: Commentaries on the path: There be no greater challenge I find than the test of ones faith. As of late I've gone from the security of a full-time work and a place to live to having no job, only eating once every 12 hours and wondering if I'm going to have to live on the street. Although this can be unnerving, it has allowed me the opportunity to meet new people, hone some skills and question my words and actions which led to such a situation in the first place. Also combined with the fact that my fate, destiny and life be not in my hands, but in the hands of God, and it is this fact that undeniably defines our responsibilities and opportunities, which will be made available to us solely based upon the result of how we treat others and in turn how we will be treated. I've learnt the hard way that we are no better or worse than the next person, no matter what path the other be walking. Even unto darkness some walk, and it be the will of God that we should meet them, both to understand that no favorites are played, nor are we fit to judge or even assume that the path of light is solely for those who maintain their faith. But moreover be needed for those who walk in the darkness, and it be we who must be the beacons to guide the way unto the path of light. Certainly in one's daily lives you can only do so much, or give an ear and heart to an extent, as I have at times felt that there be no more I can give, to this I was wrong; so long as there be a need for such beacons till peace and harmony reign, my inner spirit drives me as it should with all.
I apologize for the fact that this writing and the others submission to which I am responsible for tend to emphasize the same points through different means but it is the methods of understanding and searching I work through in discovering the Simple Way of Being. I can only define this "Simple Way" as the right words and actions so that individuals we meet find their own solutions with no more than our listening and offering further questions to spark the interest of wanting a deeper understanding from within and from god. Of course this is by no means an easy task but is necessary in the long run for even just listening and asking gives us insights into ourselves as well, and so we all rise together. Not necessarily to an absolute enlightenment or perfection, but at least to a level where strife over the materialistic be no more. And all strive for the good of everyone. I do feel though that I've explained or at least expanded my perception to the point of it almost being that of a flight in fancy, certainly I will continue this exploration and attempt at gaining further understanding for both myself and those who choose to hear, see and listen. In the conclusion, however, I am at present at a loss as to where I should focus my energy for the final push into the deepest recess that be my soul, and at the same time put aside once and for all the doubts and concerns as to where the journey must lead, and of whether I am ready for such trials. Unfortunately along with such concerns and doubts I possess a level of rage which stems not from the trespasses that have been committed unto me or those I have committed unto others or myself, but be more primal in origin. Over the years I have learnt to reign in such a force of darkness as having someone whom I know not well beg me not to kill them along with the fear and shear terror within their eyes was quite shocking and appalling as to how far I am capable of going in the way of harming another. And it was such an event along with others that has brought about this understanding of not only a higher power or of our true capabilities, but also of the necessity of choosing our words and actions within the confines of both ethics and morality, as not to continue the infection for which chaos festers but to heal and rebuild the damage that has been done. Certainly if we met face to face you would question the validity of my words, as I'm not a large man nor a being who relies upon a raised voice for either compliance or to have my point of view supported without question, but am a man humbled and respectful who tries to live life within the boundaries of ethics, morality and honor. My life since beginning such writings has been exciting, average and unique depending on your point of view, I have also regained my faith and trust in God to the point of even in the darkest hour he stands by willing to aid in his mysterious and simplistic way so does he for us all. Erik S. For those who wish to respond to this submission or to the submission from previous editions I can be reached at mailto:erik_s8@Hotmail.com.
Originally published in Project X Newsletter #19
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