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That Sweet Longing


Author: Sister Hebe Quicksilver    (all articles by this author)
Published on: October 9, 2001

Once I was dropping acid and making love, and all the sudden I was not with just the person I was making love with, I was with the God, and I was the Goddess. I saw the God speaking to me out of my lover's face, which kaleidoscoped and changed into a series of faces, (some that I have never known and some that I have since met) but all were the faces of people which I saw were just vehicles carrying Him, and He recognized me at the same time and we went dancing out in the universe to refresh each other and remind each other, lest we become too weary and discouraged in our work. Seeing Him reminded me that we had hidden ourselves in our creation in order to experience it – it was a test of what we had created in the guise of a game of Hide-and-Seek, cloaking our eyes and the full understanding we had gained in order to experience it "inductively".

This is a very interesting aspect of the creator's integrity. We had to know it all, inside and out, to create it, then as a final test of our own veracity, we agreed to reintroduce ourselves into it without the information, born into ignorance and illness. Poisoned by an economic system which has perverted itself through the murder of animals, the eating of their flesh and robbery of their young's food, and experiencing the insanity and violence and lack that this strange perversity breeds, we handicapped ourselves on purpose and subjected ourselves to testing the absoluteness of the law we created this whole thing with, to the extreme limit of its power, and that law is all that can pull us back out, now that we have thrown ourselves into this all-or-nothing quality assurance test of love and truth.

This experience led to another, long and painful period of testing (they call it drug-induced psychosis, but I call it work I needed to do). I will some day relate that experience to you all, but for now let me say that in that experience I woke up. I became aware of the necessity to achieve mastery of my vehicle, and I began to lose the assumption that things just "happen" to me. I had to fight my way back to this world, and during that time I saw things that were going to happen in the future. I was scared; I thought I was crazy so I could not just relax and experience what I was experiencing and record what I saw. I also thought I was crazy because I had no social or technological context for the things I saw – they didn't exist yet. The capacity for them to exist had yet to be built, inside me or outside me.

I will always long for the bliss – I experienced a bliss that is not of this world. But I also experienced its antithesis – a terror that is not of this world. What led to the terror was that I had not built the supporting foundation underneath my mind to hold me up while I looked at what I saw: the foundation of accurate definitions from which to reason out what I was seeing. This is the challenge with mind opening drugs; their use is a kamikaze agreement to peer into things beyond the accumulated power to reason. The walls melt and the sight is opened without the usual struggling to surrender to the world that is unknown. It just comes, as it comes, without a conscious bridge to the world that is known. This lack of struggle is akin to the butterfly not having to fight out of a cocoon or a chicken out of an egg.

Now I understand that this must not be done without the proper astrological support, or it can end in death. (I am a triple Cardinal, born to pioneer, but I learned later that many never come back from this ride.) The use of mind opening drugs was a necessary part of our evolutionary development, and like the eating of flesh, pushed us to a quantum leap in consciousness (having understanding of truth and also the tested power to raise ourselves from the dead). But, like flesh-eating, apart from this function, it lost its usefulness and led to perversity. Now, as it is better to discipline the mind not to lie and say that humans have to kill to eat (and to take the logical steps that this truth reveals), just so it is better to walk into revelation step by step in consciousness in order to have the ability to define how you got there. These definitions assist in facilitating the reasoning power that is needed to be able to assimilate and utilize the revelation.

What calls me is the God. My other half. The other aspect of myself that is longing to be fulfilled in me just as I am longing to be fulfilled in Him. I hear the call of the day when I will be able to uncloak my sight and experience creation with a complete knowledge of it, from beginning to end, from inside and outside, having tested both truth and my perfect ability to recreate myself, even handicapped by poverty, ignorance and disease.

Is there anyone out there who has understanding of this thing? Marco...? (she waits to hear a small, distant “Polo!”, calls again, and waits some more.) Where are you? Are you out there, do you hear me? Has anyone else been here before?

Hebe waits for Hercules to finish his own labors so that he can take his place with her among the Gods. I will write more about His labors, next time.

I wish you all a ripple in still water,

Sister Hebe Quicksilver

Originally published in Project X Newsletter #63

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